When you grow up with someone, you take them for granted. They are a part of your life, and their part in your life is filled with joys and sorrows as kids tend to go from angelic to mischievous depending on the weather.
My cousin Dany would have been 43 on July 12th.
I spent most of my waking hours with Dany and his older brother Christian exploring, pretending and running from each other. Chris and I used to run away from Dany most of the time, since older kids tend to be cruel to the youngest.
Then we grew up and went our separate ways. I moved from Pennsylvania to Florida, Chris moved to California and Dany moved to Cancun, Mexico. The distance did not help us keep in touch with each other, and I having been a loner most of my life, I was not one for initiating conversations, writing letters, etc.
I did hear more from Chris than I did from Dany, and one day, February 1, 2003, I heard from my parents that Dany had taken his own life after he had discovered that he had cancer of the larynx.
Shock was not the only thing I felt.
Guilt.
I should have been there for him. We all believe that we can make it on our own, and then when someone you know, someone close as a brother, takes their own life, you wonder what effect you could have had.
What impact could I have had?
Beating myself up for the lack of communication, I really sank into a depression. The worst part of the whole situation for me was the fact that I should have maintained contact with Dany.
Why am I dredging up these raw emotions and exposing them for you? Then answer is really only one word:
LISTEN.
Hear what your friends and family are saying. You may have some troubled teens in your family. Teens are at a point in their lives where they feel isolated. They want to feel independent, yet they also feel left out from their friends’ lives because of cruelty (kids are cruel after all - especially groups) or disagreements. The reason for their isolation does not matter nearly as much as the fact that it is eating away at their will to live.
Sometimes (I have had this feeling before in a particularly troubling time of isolation from my family and despair at my circumstances) they feel that their life is not worth living, the pain is too unbearable, and that by taking their own life, they would be getting revenge on the people who make them feel so isolated.
“That’ll show them!”
Listen to them.
Then GIVE!
- G - Greet and meet: talk to others, smile, say hello, ask them how they are doing…
- I - Involve yourself: find a cause you can support, volunteer, and pledge resources to
- V - Validate others: tell others that they matter - especially family members and friends that you tend to see daily but may take for granted, give genuine compliments
- E - Empathize: be a listening ear, take time to be fully present, don’t try to solve - just acknowledge someone’s feeling or hurt
By following this formula, you are showing teens that you care. Empathy is a catalyst for bonding, and can help you reel in the teen that has started to distance himself or herself from the world around them.
I cannot profess to be an expert, but the people at SpeakUpSaveLives.org like Deremiah Phillips have shown me what taking an extra minute with someone who may just need a smile can do for that person! The goal for our group is to save our teens one at a time. But I have selfishly added my own agenda to this project.
I am doing it because I still miss Dany Savoie!
Have an amazing day!
Micheal Savoie
PS - You can help in another way. The Impact Action Team has people blogging and getting the word out. But how about if we reward some of you hard working readers out there?
The Impact Contest is a chance for you to get the word out for us by creating some information pages on some very search engine friendly websites while competing for some cool prizes from some very cool sponsors! If you don’t mind doing some research and doing some writing and posting for us, click here to sign up for the Impact Contest!
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Micheal Savoie escaped from the IT world to find his online goldmine! He teaches business owners how to take their business from “just being online” to building strong relationships within their communities. His favorite topic to speak about is how to create a self-funding advertising budget. He lives in Beverly Hills, Florida with his wife, Karen and his three teenage daughters. Find out more at http://michealsavoie.com
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Tags:GIVE,guilt,Impact,Impact Action Team,isolation,Ken McArthur,Prevent Teen Suicide,Suicide,Teen Suicide
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